STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
