There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
