i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
