he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
