Midget sex pt 2 tonight
After last night, I could never be a politician.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
