is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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