I'm eating all of the evidence.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize