Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
