haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
