By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My vagina just recognized that song.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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