I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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