I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
