I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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