You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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