it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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