I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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