Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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