coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
