when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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