So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
