No awkward lesbian experiences without me
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.