just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
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If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.