its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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