im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My feet surprised me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
