As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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