Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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