i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
