So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am midnight drunk by noon
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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