That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
