Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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