we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
