You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
