I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
