Don't you send me to vm
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
