wrigley field is MILF paradise
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
