Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
50% drunk capacity currently
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
