Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger