when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
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I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?