Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.