woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
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Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason