She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.