can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize