My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
