so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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