I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
