The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
