TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I forget how to act sober
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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