So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i can't believe i had my finger in that
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
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the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
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She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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