I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
