Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just had sex bonerless
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
