Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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