how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
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he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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