I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
