We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
