Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
pray to the hookup gods
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
