I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
