WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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