i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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