he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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