Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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