Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
