You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm always down for nudity.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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