Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Text me some of your sweat
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
